Well hello under utilized blog. What are you doing over here on the task bar of my computer? Just sitting and waiting for me to decide I NEED you? You’re so patient and I’m so… something else. I have a short pile of unfinished blog posts that I have started over the past year but that didn’t seem to get finished. A couple of them make me feel bad because I did want to capture some things that have happened. Maybe I’ll still get to it. The Out of the Darkness Walk post is an example of one I should and would like to finish.
This business of grieving has been such a mine field and I’d like to write about that too when I can form coherent thoughts on the matter. Maybe it’s okay that it’s not in real-time. I have been using my mind. I have read stacks of books. I have drawn stacks of drawings. I have over and under medicated. I have gained a startling amount of weight. I have spent time with friends and avoided them too. I have had some familial relationships flourish and some break my heart. It has most certainly been a year of change that far extends beyond Nelson’s suicide; although all inroads still lead there.
For years people have periodically said to me ‘you should write a blog’. I don’t think they meant this though. This heavy, sad thing. I think they meant silly stories about my son and the absolutely crazy funny stuff he says. I would like to write a blog that was more fun. That had some wings. I am making a deal with myself and allowing myself to just be free with what I want to write about. If there is an arch of a story then it gets written. If it’s light then its light. If its dragging me to my knees then to my knees it is.