I should write that down….

Well hello under utilized blog.  What are you doing over here on the task bar of my computer?  Just sitting and waiting for me to decide I NEED you?  You’re so patient and I’m so…  something else.  I have a short pile of unfinished blog posts that I have started over the past year but that didn’t seem to get finished.  A couple of them make me feel bad because I did want to capture some things that have happened.  Maybe I’ll still get to it.  The Out of the Darkness Walk post is an example of one I should and would like to finish.

This business of grieving has been such a mine field and I’d like to write about that too when I can form coherent thoughts on the matter.  Maybe it’s okay that it’s not in real-time.  I have been using my mind.  I have read stacks of books. I have drawn stacks of drawings. I have over and under medicated.  I have gained a startling amount of weight.  I have spent time with friends and avoided them too.  I have had some familial relationships flourish and some break my heart.  It has most certainly been a year of change that far extends beyond Nelson’s suicide; although all inroads still lead there.

For years people have periodically said to me ‘you should write a blog’.  I don’t think they meant this though.  This heavy, sad thing.  I think they meant silly stories about my son and the absolutely crazy funny stuff he says.  I would like to write a blog that was more fun.  That had some wings.  I am making a deal with myself and allowing myself to just be free with what I want to write about.  If there is an arch of a story then it gets written.  If it’s light then its light.  If its dragging me to my knees then to my knees it is.

But really, I want to finish a couple of these half created entries first.  Stay tuned.

Author: TeresaB

I don't know who I am right now. Trying to stay intact.

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